Whose love did you crave most growing up – your mother’s or your father’s? And who did you feel you had to be for that person?
Answering this question will not only help you understand how your identity was shaped, you will start to see just why you do the things you do. You will learn why you are the way you are now. The patterns that you fall into and the standards that you hold for yourself will all start to make sense. Because underneath all of this live six fundamental human needs that you are constantly striving to meet.
In this episode of the Real Breakthrough Series on the Tony Robbins Podcast we’re taking you back to Date With Destiny, where Tony is helping Akila overcome the subconscious boundaries that are holding her back from the life she desires.
Tony begins by asking Akila that critical question: Whose love did you crave most as a child? Because every single one of us has developed a model of the world based on the source of love we craved most growing up. This is the what influences the way we think and the way we act. This is what impacts the way we filter information. And this is what forms the entire way in which we experience the world.
Tony shows us that we all create certain rule structures to support our needs. And he shows us that by uncovering our top two needs, we can begin to gain more perspective on our lives. Because when we are able to take a more objective, enlightened look at ourselves, we are able to find the way to breakthrough and break free of what is holding us back.
We all encounter challenges in our relationships, some more serious than others, but it’s how we handle them that ultimately matters.For many of us, when we feel pain, we tend to blame our partners. We criticize, close up. We avoid them, ignore them. All to play a game of who’s wrong and who’s right. But when you truly love someone - it doesn’t matter who’s wrong or who’s right. In fact, blame only takes our power away, and excuses only cause us to continue hurting each other.
Welcome back to the Tony Robbins Podcast. On today’s episode of the Real Breakthrough Series, we’re taking you back to Date With Destiny where Tony is working with Teresa and John, a couple fighting their way out of a painful past and trying to figure out a path towards a healthier, happier future.
While Teresa and John have made substantial progress since dealing with infidelity, they still struggle when it comes to constructive communication. They slip back into old ways, making excuses for their behavior and shirking responsibility for their actions. But it’s clear they are still deeply in love, and are committed to finding a better way.
Tony helps them see that if you’re having problems in your relationship, and feeling pain, it’s because you’re focused on yourself, not your partner. He helps them see that you can’t continue to focus on what you’re not getting, and what your partner’s not giving you. Because if you want to build an extraordinary relationship, you need to tear up the rules and start holding yourself 100% accountable for your experience.